Love. Fortunately, most of the people that I have encountered in my life know what it is like to love and to be loved in return. Love should be simple, a given, and a responsibility when it comes to a parent/child relationship. I haven’t really told a lot of people details about my childhood experiences because I myself do not want to focus on them. It makes me uncomfortable when I focus on the past because the present is a more comfortable place for me to talk about because I am happy and know that I am loved.
Now as an adult in a happy marriage with two wonderful children, I don’t have to worry about someone looking over me while I sleep or someone trying to hurt me just because of my existence in their world. I want the past to be in the past and focus on the present where I am loved and wanted. Growing up in an abusive home was difficult. But, I never focused on the pain only on my future and being free. Freedom is a wonderful thing and finally knowing you are loved is more than my words can express.
It is odd to me that while the abuse was taking place throughout my childhood, I never really focused on it like I do now. I was completely embarrassed by being treated in such a way and never wanted anyone to know what went on inside my home. I’ve only in the last 10 years or so told a few close friends about some of the details of my upbringing (with the exception of my husband – I wanted him to know what he was getting himself into).
What I never wanted (and still don’t) is for anyone to feel sorry for me. I know now that what happened to me was beyond my control as an innocent child. As certain events took place inside my adopted family’s home, I would, of course, cry and ask God why this was happening to me and what did I do to deserve to be treated with such hatred in some cases and lust (although I didn’t know that term at the time). Why me?
I can say without a doubt that music is the only reason I survived my childhood. Music is my outlet. Music stirs something positive inside of me and it brings me peace and comfort when nothing else can. People fall in and out of love and friendships change with time. It also becomes necessary at certain points in our lives to part ways with friends that you once considered close. Music has always been a constant for me and in a way, it is a part of me.
For example, when attending a musical or concert (or basically any event with music) it is physically impossible for me to control myself from tapping my foot to the rhythm, mouthing or singing the words along with the singer, clapping, cheering, dancing, and/or doing something to acknowledge the music that is being performed for the audience’s entertainment. By all means, I am not obnoxious about my reactions to music, but I am pretty sure some people that get the pleasure of being seated next to me question my lack of self-control. LOL!
Side note: I am remembering this one time that I attended an Elton John concert in Atlanta. My boss at the time was at the concert as well and she had tickets in the second row from the stage. My seats were on the floor about halfway from the stage. They were decent seats – but not second-row quality! Anyway, my boss tells me the next day at work that she left the concert shortly after it started because the people in the row in front of her (note only ONE row in front of her) would not sit down and it was distracting her and keeping her from enjoying the concert. I was livid as she could have texted me and gave me her tickets as she obviously didn’t need them! Argh!
Moving on. The topic of music will come up quite frequently in my future posts in this section and I will provide examples of how music saved me from taking the steps to end my life. Please note that stories that I post in this section will not be in any type of particular order.
The Childhelp organization was founded in 1959 by Sara O’Meara and Yvonne Federson. The organization’s focus is on child abuse prevention and treatment.
Five to Many. Close to live children die each day as a result of child abuse in the United States. Every year more than 3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States. It’s a terrible epidemic that we organizations like Childhelp are dedicated to putting an end to. In order to end child abuse, increasing awareness of the issue itself is key.
What is child abuse?
Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failure to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.
If you see signs of abuse with anyone you know, or are a victim of child abuse, get help right away.
For more information, to seek help, or find out how to help abused children click here: Childhelp.
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